Dolly Parton, Femininity and the Freedom to Choose How You Look
I've been seeing videos on my feed lately about women trying to hide their bust at work. And I get it, no one wants to be oogled at or taken less seriously when they are working, especially when they are young.
So it has really stuck with me with the passing of music legend Dolly Parton how incredibly respected and beloved she appears in the media. I couldn't help but wonder "How on earth could this woman with this figure survive decades ago in business?" And not only survive, but really come out on top.
I imagine it wasn't easy, and the deep respect she commanded was related to how incredibly successful she was. I don't know the details of her journey, and I wouldn't want to pretend I do. But as a busty woman myself, there are a few things about the way she presents herself that have really stuck with me.
Dolly's body is conspicuous—but she doesn't behave as though it belongs to the audience
Dolly has an extremely exaggerated feminine silhouette. It's part of her look, and she's never seemed particularly interested in making it less noticeable.
The vibe she gives me is This is how I like to look.
And I think this is particularly relevant to lingerie because lingerie sits right on that boundary. A bra can make a woman's breasts look more prominent, lifted, rounded or provocative. That doesn't necessarily mean she is trying to be sexually available. She may simply like the way her body looks when it is supported and beautifully dressed.
And that's where a good bra fitting can be surprisingly empowering
When women come to me for a bra fitting, I don't assume they want to make their breasts look smaller. Some want more lift. Some want a rounder shape, more cleavage, or a more separated look. Others want a natural silhouette, a smoother line under clothes, or simply to feel supported and comfortable.
There's no right or wrong way to want your breasts to look. It's just about preference.
For women with a fuller bust, it can sometimes feel as though the goal is to make everything as discreet as possible. And if that's what you want, that's absolutely fine. But it shouldn't be the default simply because other people might have opinions about your body.
A bra should help you achieve the shape you want, not the shape someone else thinks you ought to have.
And I think that's part of what makes the Dolly example so useful: she didn't make herself smaller in order to be taken seriously. She showed up in a way that felt good for her and she was going to do that regardless of how that made someone else feel. Not her problem. She had a clear idea of how she was going to show up, and she did.
Dolly isn´t saying:
"Please think I'm sexy."
She's saying:
"I enjoy being this woman."
That's the vibe I'm going for.
Beautiful lingerie doesn't have to be for anyone else
Some may assume that a woman buying a beautiful €100 lace or embroidered bra must be doing it for someone else. But that's not necessarily the case. More often you buy something because you love how it looks. Because it makes you feel good. Because you like the way your clothes sit over it. Because you enjoy inhabiting your body that way.
You can enjoy looking sexy without that being an invitation. You can want to look beautiful without dressing for an audience. The bra isn't there to make your body acceptable. It's there to help you feel good in it.
There's a particularly good Dolly quote that captures this attitude: “Find out who you are and do it on purpose.”
I don't think the answer is that women should feel obliged to show off their breasts, any more than they should feel obliged to hide them. It's about having the freedom to decide for yourself.
And there's something really sexy about feeling at home in your own body and having the confidence to show up in exactly the way you want.
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